Maria Calabro

Establishing a strong relationship with your au pair

Posted by: mcalabro on January 7, 2012

Elisa Elkin-Cleary, LICSW and  Cultural Care Au Pair Program Counselor, offers some great advise on how to develop a strong relationship with your au pair:

The relationship with your au pair is an important one for your family and for you, as a working parent. It can be wonderful but also complicated. As with any working relationship, it is important to discuss and reach agreement about key issues. This process is especially important for a live-in helper who participates in family life while providing an important service. An intentional and organized effort to communicate expectations for roles and boundaries can prevent many problems, while providing a solid foundation for any issues that do arise.

While you will begin your au pair’s orientation by reviewing your child’s personality and temperament, preferences and routines, and by providing practical life training on the use of the household appliances, you will also want to establish common understanding about the topics listed below. You will need to revisit these issues weekly during the first month, and then in subsequent daily and monthly check-ins to maintain clear communication.

Clarify needs regarding food: allergies, preferences, personal, religious and cultural issues.

Define what kind of activities are acceptable and which are not.

• Can the au pair paint with the child, and if so, where is an acceptable place to do this activity?
• What are the family practices for television and video-game viewing? Can the children watch television or play with video games? If so, how much and what can they view?

Provide a schedule for the typical week, clarifying the au pair’s responsibilities.  It is important that the au pair is provided the three mandatory orientation days with one of the parents as a training tool.

• State what you would like the au pair to do during the morning routine and evening routines, as well as guidelines for what you would like to happen if the children are at home all day. For example, which park is okay to visit?
• Discuss driving needs to and from the children’s organized activities.
• Discuss what help you need for the children’s meal preparation.
• Define roles. David Elkind writes: “…because parents share child rearing with so many non-family members, it is not always easy to keep the roles clear.” (The Power of Play, p.74)

Make a list of your expectations for the au pair.

• Define the au pair’s role while you are home. What time will you consider the au pair to be officially working? When, during the day, will you as parent take over as the official caretaker?
• If you work from home, define for yourself how you would like conflicts to be handled and if you will have a role in handling conflicts during your official work hours. Then share this plan with the au pair, and with both of you present, define this for the children. For example, “When Mommy has the “I’m at work” sign turned on the door, I am working and can not be disturbed. Janice will help you with anything you need, and if you have a disagreement, you need to work it out with Janice. If there is an emergency, Janice will come get me or send one of you.”
• If there are two parents, discuss how you will communicate with the au pair to provide consistency and clarity. Much like you might do with your own children, identify who is the point person to answer questions or concerns that the au pair may have, and for key issues, wait for the designated weekly meeting time to have a discussion with all adults present.

Discuss what constitutes free time for the au pair.

• Can the au pair’s free time be spent at the house? Can the au pair have friends over? If of a legal age, can the au pair drink alcohol in a responsible and reasonable manner in your home?
• Clarify how you will define family time and when the au pair is invited to be a part of family activities.

A new relationship is filled with hope, excitement, anxiety and expectations. A structured approach to beginning and maintaining the relationship will set the tone in promoting and nurturing this relationship. As you get to know each other and share experiences, the communication and understanding you have established and maintained will form a successful relationship for both the au pair and your family.

WORDS OF WISDOM FROM OUR PROGRAM COUNSELOR

Posted by: mcalabro on January 22, 2011

You have completed all the necessary forms, researched geography, culture and customs-and interviewed your new au pair. You are looking forward to this adventure and anticipating a year of new experiences for your family.

On the surface it all seems like life should be easy. Just communicate your expectations with your au pair, give her a daily schedule, and get back to work confidently knowing that the Au Pair will handle everything great, right? It would be easy to think that this all there is to this new childcare arrangement. However, family affairs are often more complicated than they may initially appear.

You take your role as a parent very seriously. You want only the very best for your children and that is why you have gone the extra mile and hosted an au pair in the first place. But sharing your role as nurturer is tricky. You want your child to bond with the new au pair but not to the point where you lose your authority as the parent. You also have a specific way of handling things when children misbehave. It is important that your au pair have a similar philosophy in order to create consistency for your children.

But what do you do if things do not go as smoothly as you had imagined? What if your au pair does not agree with you when it comes to discipline or structure? How do you navigate these waters without being too critical?

Being proactive and insightful is vitally important when it comes to these situations. Here a few important things to consider as you navigate these uncharted waters:

1) BE SELF AWARE

It is important to understand your own social/emotional/cognitive process when passing the baton off to a childcare provider. If you are entering into the work force for the first time after starting a family, chances are you are experiencing strong feelings related to attachment and adjustment to a work setting. Being aware of how you are truly coping will dictate your perception and affect the way you address your concerns with the au pair. Bounce your thoughts and feelings off of a trusted friend or co-worker to get feedback.

2) BE FLEXIBLE

Your au pair has spent hours preparing for her arrival to your home. She is looking forward to her year and wants to do an excellent job for you. She has been trained in a different culture with different child-rearing norms. Although she has probably had some general training about what to expect from American families, your family has its own personality and traditions and learning about them will take some time. Be patient with your au pair and understand that learning the nuances of every family is a unique process. Consider the fact that while the new au pair is learning the culture of your family, she is simultaneously learning about American culture as well.

3) BE A COMMUNICATOR

Once you have a clear understanding about what is upsetting you, the next step is to discuss it with the au pair. Choose a time that is neutral. Avoid confronting the au pair in the heat of the moment as this is rarely productive for either you or her. Having a weekly meeting is a good way to keep this feedback relevant and non-threatening. Write down your concerns as they come up, so that you are clear about what you want to discuss. Use the following dialogue framework to help you ask for what you need.

(AU PAIR NAME) when you (ACTION/BEHAVIOR),

I FELT (STATE YOUR FEELINGS).

WHAT I NEED YOU TO DO IN THE FUTURE IS (IDENTIFY HOW YOU WANT HER TO HANDLE IT)

Ask the au pair to summarize what she heard so that you know she understands. This will alleviate any confusion and promote healthy communication.

Committing to these 3 basic rules is sure to guide you through a successful year with your au pair. Healthy interpersonal interaction is crucial to all relationships. Using these tools is sure to bring success in this and all relationships.

Lisa Bravo, MC, LPC, LISAC, NCC

Cultural Care Au Pair Program Counselor

Incredible savings in honor of Father’s Day!

Posted by: mcalabro on June 17, 2010

Summer always means a much more hectic schedule for families, and many rely on their au pair to keep the children safe and entertained once they’re out of school. The au pair is also a much needed extra set of hands at all of our summer activities. How do you plan to survive this busy season?

We have many qualified, carefully screened candidates who can help you manage your busy household. And in honor of Father’s Day, we’ll offer you a significant savings AND a free Nintendo Wii gaming console when you apply this weekend! Wii games are great for the whole family to play together!

Apply to Cultural Care Au Pair between Wednesday, June 16th and Tuesday, June 22nd using promotion code, PCWII2010 to earn:
- $75 application fee waiver
- $625 program fee discount
- Complimentary overseas connection service during the matching process (a $150 value)
The total value of this promotion is $850!*

Apply now to take advantage of the opportunity to save on our program and once you welcome your au pair into your home, you will receive your Wii gaming console!

We hope that you will take advantage of this great savings and apply now for free while you work towards securing your summer childcare needs.

Berlitz English classes

Posted by: mcalabro on June 8, 2010

Our Program Dirctor Karen Hurley is pleased to announce that Berlitz has agreed to partner with Cultural Care and will offer a pilot English Language Program for Au Pairs beginning June 21th.

The classes will be offered in their Stamford, and West Hartford, CT locations, and will be held from 7 - 9pm, on Mondays and Wednesdays, for 9 consecutive weeks.  Each Au Pair will earn 36 hrs of credit from Berlitz which is equal to advancing one level in their Language Program.

Berlitz is accredited, so these classes will count towards an Au Pairs’ Education Component and satisfy the Department of State’s requirement for program completion and would also enable an Au Pair to be eligible for the Extension Program (once they have 72 hrs).

Each 36 hr program will cost only $250. The fee includes registration, all course materials, and a pre evaluation screening test. Each section will require a minimum of 12 students in order for the class to be held.

Please contact me for more information on how to sign up for this great class: maria.calabro@lcc.culturalcare.com

SUMMER SAVINGS

Posted by: mcalabro on May 14, 2010

Of host families polled, the number one reason they love having an au pair is because their family’s quality of life improves. Apply now for FREE and see what life could be like this summer with an extra set of hands to help care for the kids!

A few other reasons why moms and dads love our program? Cultural Care Au Pair offers:
-Up to 45 hours of live-in childcare per week
-The ability to schedule your hours according to your family’s needs-date night anyone?
-An average weekly cost of just $340 (per family, not per child)
-The largest pool of qualified au pair candidates
-Local support all year long

When you apply by June 30th, 2010 using promotion code PCCYR2010, you can start matching with no obligation! We will waive our $75 application fee and you will receive a $350 program fee discount AND our overseas connection service during the matching process ($150 value). Your total savings is a $575 value!

To learn more about what our current host families say about Cultural Care Au Pair visit ourVideo Contest.

Although all au pair agencies must abide by the same regulations, Cultural Care Au Pair sets itself apart by going above and beyond what is required by the U.S. Department of State. As the #1 choice for American host families, we:

- Use a personalized matching 3-ways-to-match process to help you find your ideal au pair candidate.
- Boast the largest number of au pair candidates, ready to be matched and join your family. Be sure to watch videos or view profiles of available candidates online.
- Offer hands-on, classroom training to our au pairs at our exclusive Au Pair Training School before they arrive to your home.
- Have an experienced Local Childcare Coordinator in your area to provide you and your au pair year-long support.

*To qualify for this promotion, families must be new to Cultural Care Au Pair, apply between May 26 and June 30, 2010 and welcome an au pair into their home by October 22, 2010. Families must pay selection fee of $275 at time of selection of au pair. Total savings cannot exceed $650.